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Power Junkies

I hear a lot of people talk about ‘charisma’ when listing attractive elements in potential partners. I think that most confuse charisma with personal power, or is it the same thing? Whilst seeming to be very attractive people, those with a sense of personal power often present particular problems within a relationship. Some would say that all relationships are about power; who wants it and who’s got it at any one time? A relationship has to have an element of power as we want to please the other person enough to remain in a relationship with them. Men and women who play out power and control in relationships always do a great job of attracting a partner; they are after all usually charismatic, charming and self-assured so are pretty much guaranteed to ‘get the girl’ with their unique blend of push and pull guaranteed to stoke up quite a passion. People who play these power and control games often have (in their minds) a very legitimate reason for playing these games. It may be that they’ve spent their life fighting an impoverished upbringing by doggedly searching out success and wealth which means imposing a power and control into their lives that a poor background robbed them of.
Cognitive dissonance is a term used to describe the internal battle we have to maintain the consistency in our thoughts, feelings and actions to minimise conflict amongst them. A life spent using power and control to have our lives the way we want them, means that we will behave the same within relationships. The emotional battle that ‘powerful’ people wage in their relationships can render their partner powerless and passive which ultimately becomes deeply unattractive. When both partners in a relationship are pretty much equally matched in the power stakes, fireworks can ensue, which stokes up a lot of passion but often leaves much hurt and anger and can sometimes tip over in to violence, both emotionally and physically.
As these ‘powerful’ people can be so attractive it’s really easy to get stuck in repetitive relationships as you keep picking these people and wonder why the result is always the same? You have to learn how to find being respected and valued rather than being constantly dragged into a psychological battle as an attractive quality. Power and control games in a relationship mean that you never allow yourself to be fully vulnerable and be honest about who you are and what you think and feel. Not allowing this vulnerability will prevent you being fully present and authentically engaging in a relationship, with the result that you will never get to experience the love that you have always searched for.

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JB

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