Men and women are so inherently different, but that isn’t something that should immediately cause concern, it’s just who we are and how we view the world around us. So today we’re going to look at how and why men and women deal with relationship problems differently.
However, even knowing that we’re different still doesn’t stop us behaving irrationally. At times at odds with how we normally behave, when it comes to dealing with our relationship problems.
One of the key factors between surviving relationship problems and not, is communication. Think about it, men and women naturally communicate in different ways. Let’s take a closer look.
Women like to use communication to talk through a problem, to get to the root cause.
We like to share our thoughts and feelings as for us it boosts our connection to those around us, our friends, family and partners.
Through sharing how we feel, talking enables us to let go of any negativity, or to at least start to process it.
Sometimes it’s only once we’ve talked through an issue that we find the information we require. Not that we were necessarily looking for it when we started talking. Talking to a professional can work wonders.
When talking to a partner, most of the time women just need men to listen and want them to understand how they’re feeling.
Men on the other hand like to use talking to figure out a solution.
Talking for guys has a clear purpose, because for them, a conversation is a way of solving a problem, or making a point.
Talking should be as efficient and to the point as possible for men.
When a man tells a story, he doesn’t work through the details as he tells it, he has already figured out what he’s going to say and then tells the story.
Therefore, this allows him to share the details he deems relevant and leaving out the unnecessary parts.
Men then wonder why women need to talk so much. They often interrupt them mid-flow to offer advice or to try and find a solution to their supposed ‘problem’ as quickly as possible.
Men understand that when a woman strikes up a conversation it’s because she needs his advice or help, consequently a man is conditioned to actively listen and offer solutions to her.
He’ll listen to what she says and filters through her words, trying to figure out where best he can provide input.
Being able to listen passively is not something that comes easy to a lot of men.
For women, however, the conversation itself provides the end she seeks.
If a woman feels that what she is saying has been listened to and she’s been understood, or received empathy, she’s happy. The problem, if there is one, is considered ‘dealt with’.
Knowing that someone has been listening to her talk helps her process any negative feelings.
Therefore, sharing worries and concerns with a partner makes a woman feel closer to them, more connected.
She isn’t sharing to get his advice; she’s sharing to feel safer and secure.
When a woman is down, a man will feel it is his responsibility to help cheer her up.
He will go to all lengths necessary to right any perceived wrongs. He’ll feel impatient to remedy her woes as quickly as possible, by offering up solutions and trying to problem solve.
Men feel it is their duty to provide for their partner and can feel personally responsible if something is upsetting her, even if they had nothing to do with it.
Men listen actively and so can miss that a woman is upset and take her words literally, not realising she is trying to convey emotions.
They don’t like outside help or assistance, they like to be on their own to figure things out for themselves.
However, when they withdraw, they avoid communicating with their partner. This is when women can misread the situation, taking the man’s silence as a slight on her, that she’s done something wrong.
Women instinctively try to nurture when a loved one is upset, but most men don’t like to be fussed over, particularly when they’re stressed or angry.
They will therefore, withdraw further, leaving her feeling like he’s pushing her away.
She can then react angrily for fear of losing him, and the situation can escalate.
One of the things both men and women need to understand is that both parties want to satisfy their partner, to look after them, to love them and trust them.
Learning to communicate and understanding that the different sexes approach communication from very different angles can really help a relationship therefore, preventing resentment from creeping in.
This is how and why men and women deal with relationship problems differently.
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