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People pleasing is exhausting and usually leaves you feeling frustrated, angry and downtrodden. It’s ingrained behaviour and usually, goes hand in hand with low self-esteem. People pleasers usually think this behaviour makes them feel better about themselves, as others like them more. What often surprises people pleasers is that when they manage to adjust their behaviour, people have more respect for them and their self-esteem increases. So, how to stop people pleasing;
Understand why you do it.
Why have you the belief that you should compromise yourself for others? Why do you think you make others more important? As a child, did you get lots of attention and praise for being helpful? Do you feel that people will only like you if you help them?
Notice when you do it.
Are there particular situations when you do it, or with certain people? Why is this? As people pleasing can be so habitual, you may not even notice you’re doing it. If you often leave conversations feeling frustrated, angry or low, this could be an indication. Did you agree to do something you didn’t really want to do? Did you agree with something you disagree with?
Just say no.
Realise you have the choice to say no. It will feel uncomfortable to start with, but keep practising. If you struggle to say no straight away you could use a delay tactic. By always responding with ‘let me think about it’ or ‘let me check’ you can go away and rehearse how you will say no.
Say no with conviction and without guilt.
Don’t say no in a way that can be manipulated, be assertive. There is no guilt in putting yourself first. Don’t let guilt force you into sending cards or trying to make amends for saying no.
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Retired ex-professional football who played for Bury, Wigan, Stoke, Preston, Norwich, Leicester and Brighton during a 14 year career. After leaving professional football, Jason battled depression and recovered with the help of therapy and family support.
Wendy is great at what she does; she made me feel at ease immediately and really helped me work through some issues.
Tara Costello
It’s funny but from the minute I met her I felt so relaxed and she was so easy to talk to. Thank you!
Stevie Brown
Wendy isn’t only really good at what she does, she’s also really easy to talk to.
Gabriel Wilson
I want to thank you Wendy from the bottom of my heart for guiding me through what must have been the most difficult time of my life.
Raza Syed
I was told she was the best and they were right.
Noelle Dray
Although I consider myself a confident person, I was really nervous when I met Wendy for the first time. I had only emailed her before so it was really nerve wracking walking up the stairs to her office. I can honestly say it’s one of the best things I have ever done. Wendy is really normal, no in fact she isn’t normal as she is unfailingly bright and smiley even when she has to listen to me moan on about how awful my life was. It feels like having a chat with somebody who just gets you and you can trust with things you have never trusted anybody else with before. The magic bit comes when things you have talked about just pop up into your head and you start to do things differently. Wendy once joked about not having a magic wand, but I think she has.
Paul Hendry
I came to Wendy with a set of problems I have never been able to fully explain to anyone, which included grief, many family issues and alcohol problems. Wendy truly has an active listening style and absorbs everything you are saying, whilst not making you feel analysed, it is an incredible skill. She astounded me at how she got to the crux of the issues so fast. So much so that we both agreed I only needed one session with her, obviously this may not be the case with everyone but I would confidently recommend her to anyone, regardless of your problems. There was no awkwardness or even clock watching, she is wonderful at what she does, take the plunge and make an appointment, you will not regret it. Life is a direction not a destination and she will get you on the path again.
JB
