People pleasing is exhausting and usually leaves you feeling frustrated, angry and downtrodden. It’s ingrained behaviour and usually, goes hand in hand with low self-esteem. So, are you a people pleaser?
People pleasers usually think this behaviour makes them feel better about themselves, as others like them more. What often surprises people pleasers is that when they manage to adjust their behaviour, people have more respect for them and their self-esteem increases. So, how to stop people pleasing;
Why have you the belief that you should compromise yourself for others? Why do you think you make others more important? As a child, did you get lots of attention and praise for being helpful? Do you feel that people will only like you if you help them?
Are there particular situations when you do it, or with certain people? Why is this? As people pleasing can be so habitual, you may not even notice you’re doing it. If you often leave conversations feeling frustrated, angry or low, this could be an indication. Did you agree to do something you didn’t really want to do? Did you agree with something you disagree with?
Realise you have the choice to say no. It will feel uncomfortable to start with, but keep practising. If you struggle to say no straight away you could use a delay tactic. By always responding with ‘let me think about it’ or ‘let me check’ you can go away and rehearse how you will say no.
Don’t say no in a way that can be manipulated, be assertive. There is no guilt in putting yourself first. Don’t let guilt force you into sending cards or trying to make amends for saying no.
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It’s great to have a leading psychotherapist such as Wendy in the Cheshire area, outside of her Harley Street practice. After publicly raising awareness of mental health issues and myself recovering from depression, I know how immensely life-changing expert intervention can be.
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Retired ex-professional football who played for Bury, Wigan, Stoke, Preston, Norwich, Leicester and Brighton during a 14 year career. After leaving professional football, Jason battled depression and recovered with the help of therapy and family support.
Wendy is great at what she does; she made me feel at ease immediately and really helped me work through some issues.
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I came to Wendy with a set of problems I have never been able to fully explain to anyone, which included grief, many family issues and alcohol problems. Wendy truly has an active listening style and absorbs everything you are saying, whilst not making you feel analysed, it is an incredible skill. She astounded me at how she got to the crux of the issues so fast. So much so that we both agreed I only needed one session with her, obviously this may not be the case with everyone but I would confidently recommend her to anyone, regardless of your problems. There was no awkwardness or even clock watching, she is wonderful at what she does, take the plunge and make an appointment, you will not regret it. Life is a direction not a destination and she will get you on the path again.
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